|If we got a divorce, she would get half of my money, making me ostensibly poor, yet still paying her to just get pounded by other dudes, which will happen because she is still smoking hot, whereas I look like a Nazi propaganda cartoon of a Jew.|
Pete's split with Meegan intrudes upon Ruxin's marriage, as his wife is neglecting him sexually, in order to spend her time helping Meegan deal with the break-up. Meanwhile, Jenny MacArthur and Kevin's sex secrets are revealed to Ruxin's wife, as Jenny reveals to her the sexual secrets that will ensure Kevin will never leave her.
Recurring / Minor Characters
|Ruxin is berating Pete via video chat about his freshly single lifestyle, reenacting Pete trying to pick up young women with the help of dolls, which ends with Toy Pete fellating Kevin.
At a bar, Ruxin tells Pete his break-up with Meegan is negatively impacting his sex life with his wife. Ruxin explains he can't even masturbate because he's not allowed to have porn in his house. Kevin reveals that Jenny will allow him to watch porn as long as he's exercising.
Kevin and Ruxin, and their wives, have a couples dinner where Pete is the main topic of conversation. Ruxin's wife, Sofia, encourages Jenny to touch her breasts to see how big they've gotten since having a baby. Jenny, uncomfortable and drunk, starts talking about how Kevin will never leave her because she has "confidence in my pussy," though Ruxin labels her confidence as "vaginal hubris."
Andre coaches Pete on how to pick up women by making negative comments to them, such as "Nice pants. Makes your butt look fat." He also suggests magic tricks as a way to entice women. Taco arrives and gets free drinks from the bartender, explaining that they are "Eskimo Brothers", meaning they've both slept with the same woman.
Ruxin and Kevin visit Pete at his new apartment. Ruxin continues to pressure Pete to get back together with Meegan. Ruxin also tells of Jenny's behavior at dinner. Kevin tells them he got "special sex."
Ruxin, at home, struggles with his continued lack of sex, as his wife stretches in front of him, discusses her enlarged breasts, and sits in his lap while looking at a website that features video of women jogging in sports bras.
Jenny discoveres the league message board, where Ruxin talks about masturbating to the "bounce test" website, and where Taco has made a music video about Jenny's vaginal hubris. Jenny confronts Kevin, telling him to take the videos down. When he refuses, she tells him she won't have sex with him anymore.
Jenny meets with Ruxin at the park. She blackmails him about his message board video, threatening to tell Sofia that he is masturbating to the bounce test videos. In exhange, she wants Peyton Manning for Kevin's fantasy team. Ruxin agrees.
Andre tries to get Pete and Taco into an exclusive club, but is rebuffed by the bouncer. Taco steps in, revealing he and the bouncer are Eskimo brothers, and they are allowed into the club. While discussing their Eskimo family tree, it is revealed that both Taco and Pete have slept with Andre's sister, Heather, in Andre's bed. Pete meets a girl at the club, who bond over being divorced and their mutual dislike of magic.
At home, Kevin realizes that Jenny has arranged the trade of Manning to his team and that she has forgiven him, and will continue to give him "special sex".
At the club, Taco has sex with a girl in a Prius, and is chased off by the girl's boyfriend, who is not pleased to discover he is Taco's Eskimo brother.
Ruxin is upset at losing Manning to Kevin, and Sofia, seeking to soothe him, agrees to have sex with him. Then she finds that he's been looking at the bounce test website, and she withdraws the offer of sex. Later, Kevin, Ruxin, and Pete all exercise at Kevin's house while watching porn, though Kevin finds it weird, and Ruxin asks if the other two can leave.
Ruxin: All I know, is that if I don't come soon, that I'm gonna physically get sick.
Pete/Kevin (in unison): You actually can get sick.
Andre: No. You can't get sick. As a doctor, trust me, I know.
Ruxin: Andre, you're a plastic surgeon. Okay? So the next time I wanna take butt fat and inject it into my penis, I will come to you.
Andre: Okay, yeah, ah, I don't do that. Anymore. It's dangerous.
Pete: What's your success rate around here?
Andre: What are we talking? Hand-jibbers?
Taco: You have to know what your Eskimo family tree is. That's how you get things done.
Andre: That's like, your platinum card?
Taco: How do you guys get things done?
Pete: We've got jobs.
Andre: We went to college.
Pete: We make money, and we purchase things.
Taco: You guys are weird.
Kevin: It is NOT vaginal hubris. In fact, last night, she gave me very special sex.
Pete/Ruxin (exclaiming in unison): Special sex!
Ruxin: Yay! Were there unicorns snowing teardrops of Elton John songs?
Kevin (watching porn while exercising): I wouldn't go to that doctor. This story is hard to follow.
Kevin: Hey. I'm learning some good moves here. It's called "the kidney shifter."
Taco: I love having sex in Priuses, 'cause not only are you having sex, you're saving the environment too.
(from Taco's Vaginal Hubris music video)
"She's proud of her pussy, her piece, her bearded ham is well groomed,
Thinks that she's the real deal, all other pussies are cartoon,
Her vagina is a church, and her slit is the steeple,
Her vulva is one of Barbara Walter's most fascinating people.
She's got vaginal hubris, vaginal hubris."
Behind the Scenes
Directing & Writing Credits